Blabbering this time...

Today, I feel like.. I should write.. write till the point..my feelings are expressed thoroughly.. point till my fingers get tired.. point till i feel like satisfied.. today.. i don't want to think while writing..I don't want to care for words...I just gonna write..what ever comes in mind.. my heart.. and what ever my fingers want to type.. and this is not going to have another review after writing as well...

what the hell..it seems like I am disappointed..disappointed by the way I am treated..disappointed by the way I treat others.. disappointed by the way I am surviving in this world..disappointed by lot many other ways.. but should I be disappointed.. or should I fight back for the things that I deserve.. should I prove someone who I am.. I know some of you may say.. that u are much better than anyone else.. u need not prove anyone about you.. you should be happy what you are.. and not what you want to become.. and blah..blah.. but I am not in mood to ask anyone what is in their mind.. I just want to express myself.. so please pardon me.. if anyone feels like I am arrogant... and yes..i have become quite arrogant these days.. no.. not because I am on seventh sky.. but because situation around me has asked me to change myself.. situation around me has asked me to become little more egoistic.. though..I am becoming more and more egoistic as the time is passing...

you know...I feel like I should talk with someone..to express myself..to get that burden off my heart.. but when I look around.. i find noone..to whom I can express myself.. noone..to whom I can talk freely.. ya there are few..but I care for them so much that I don't want to bother them any more on such issues.. they have done enough for me in mah life.. they were there with me..when noone else was there... so the only option left to me to express myself and get back to life is writing.. ya writing..which sometime back was my passion.. has now become my need.. a need to survive..and u know why I find noone..to whom I can talk.. because around me I find more of admirers rather than friends...seems quite amazing na??.. and to tell u the truth .. I am still confused.. what should I do now onwards..should I let the things go as I used to do till 3 years ago..or should I save my self-esteem...(PS: I am talking of self esteem and not ego...)

NOw most of you thinking..that why there are admirers only...or I am exaggerating the issue...may be.. but when I am sitting idle with nothing happening around me..the so called little things also seems big...and fyi.. I know myself enough..that I don't express myself so easily.. and that too on a public forum.. forget this.. while writing this blog.. I am still thinking who all are going to read this particular post.. as I am not going to update this post on anyother place.. just to one who are followers and to whom emails are being sent... well..the conservative or reserved me.. still scared deep inside to reveal about me...may be because..I am afraid of the world around me.. or being a little personal one.. I just can't reveal my thoughts, my feelings to anyone...who can't care for these...

well friends.. I don't know what should I do now..I was writing just to express myself..but somewhere deep inside..I still think I should not bother even to those who are reading this..well..in the end.. I would just like to say..that those who are reading this..are the one who are really close to me...and I am thankful to everyone of them...I know without you people my life would be quite difficult...you are the one who gave me strength everytime I needed it..and this time too, indirectly though, I am finding you people with a helping hand...

thanks...and don't you people worry about me..its just a blog...if I really need anyone of you.. I know most of you are just a call away :) ... keep smiling... and take care..:)